Insanity or Genius at work

My partner is a Scientologist. That means that we/I am bombarded with calls on a daily basis from them. I say I am bombed because of course, she is at work and not here to get them. They are relentless. I never answer the phone. Out of say 17 calls, they will leave maybe four messages. Always wanting to know why she hasn't done some course or trying to sell her a course. It's like they think people should live and breathe Scientology to the exclusion of everything else. But, as unbelievable as that is, it is even more unbelievable that she accepts this constant nagging without exploding. So, I've decided instead of repeatedly asking her to fix something around here, I should try their tactics and just call her. Here's what I would say:


Hi Lori, this is Darlene and I'm calling from home. I see here that you built a deck back in 2000 and I haven't seen any repairs in regards to that. If you have any trouble getting started or need any help please give me a call back. That way I can get you started on repairing the deck. You can buy parts with cash, check or credit card. It's really easy and you're sure to enjoy it once you can walk on it safely again. So just give me a call and let me know what's up.
Thank you. Bye. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

Hi Lori!! This is Darlene and I'm calling from the back of our house in Tampa Florida!!!! I just wanted to give you a call and see how you were doing. And I also saw you haven't started on any deck repairs and I just wanted to get in cause with you and find out what was happening with that and if maybe you were disabled or something happened so, can you give me a call back on my cell phone. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

Hi Lori! This is Darlene calling from my cell phone in the car. I wanted to get a hold of you and find out uhm, if you had everything that you needed in order to be able to get started repairing the deck. Uhm, I see in the past where you purchased materials but I haven't seen any new materials yet. So I wanted to find out what was going on with that. So can you give me a call back on the new REPAIR THE DAM DECK TODAY hotline. That is REPAIR THE DAM DECK TODAY. Thanks. Bye. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

I'm just calling from the deck. I'm updating your 'honey-do- list' and verifying that you do know that several of the boards have now totally rotted out and small animals are falling though. Also, I have a couple of questions for you so please return my call. Thanks. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep


Hi Lorissa this is Darlene calling from some where in the back yard. Myyyyy number is still the same. Just wanted to make sure you are rolling with getting the deck repaired. If you haven't started you can also give me a call and I can get you started. We can just tear the mother f*cker down if that works better for you or we can hire someone at your expense. So give me a call and let me know what's best for you and we can get you started. Again, my number is the same. And I'm pissed off. That's P-I-S-S-E-D- O-F-F. Alright, hear from you soon. Bye. Beeeeeeeeeeeep